"ready for a trip?"

i sat on a bed. tri seated directly across from me with steve at 2oclock.
two pinches... nigga! one was all it took!

salvia~
for 10 seconds, i hit the bowl. i was surprised as it wasn't harsh at all.
for another 10 seconds, it did its magic. trapped in my lungs. alleviating all tension as my body relaxed. i sat still. though i don't think i could have moved if i wanted to... in such a way i felt as if my mind and body had cut ties. my vision focused. enclosed by blackness as it concentrated on tri's animated face.as i exhaled, the symptoms maximized as tri's face was the only thing in my vision pane. and i was unaware of my body. though my mind still raced in anticipation for the effects to fully set in.

not two seconds after the exhale, did i get fucccccked. i took a gander to right side of my body. i began to rotate to take a look at my left side and this is where my trip embarks. Please understand that my trip was a completely out-of-this-world, full-blown psychedelic experience. Words will not suffice, but i'll do my best.

as i turned/rotated to my left, there was this uncontrollable force, as if an entity was pulling on every outer fragment of my left torso and head. As this happened, my view of tri seemed to pull away and drop into a downward spiral. i was in blackness with a brown column with a diameter of a street block and a vertical that stretched for miles into the abyss. This is where I lost total control of my body. It felt as if the base of my body (seated on the bed) had stayed in place, while i was being forcefully pulled, as if stretched by the head and left-torso. The pull/stretch continued the exact speed pattern of my conscious left rotation, but instead of going left, i spiraled into darkness. remember, i had lost control of my body, so it felt as if my head was attached to something, whether it be my actual body or an inanimate object. i say this because my vision was fixed and with every area i covered as i was being pulled, i left a permanent immovable piece of my self, my body. orrr this object i was attached to. sincerely stretched.

I was being tugged at a high speed enough for my hair to blow. the downward spiraling dropped into swaying back and forth along the column. with my eyes fixed, the wall seemed dangerously close, maybe a foot away. it was a pendulum pattern. as i swayed pass my already covered ground, my elongated miles of body, there was no clash. it seemed as if my face, or whatever i was attached to could flow freely through the mass of my body. as i swayed, i caught a glimpse of steve and tri smiling at me as if they sat through a window in this supercolumn. a few more sways and i flew upwards, still not in control of body. still in this darkness. still being pulled. still along this huge ass column. still leaving a permanent trail. still attached to this rollercoaster of a body. still trippin!

as i journeyed upward it felt blissful. it felt i was rushing up towards happiness. towards light. soon i was surrounded by beautiful memories. the area around me had turned into my childhood room. i was myself. as a toddler. attempting to climb my mother's leg. unable, i bit her leg in dismay. i could see from third person, but feel from first. i was watching through a window, a tv, or like a moving picture in a book. but being my memories, i could feel being there, and in a sense visually see from first person. profound. for me at least. don't forget i was still being pullllled... buuuut the area around and everything in it stayed in placed, fixed around me. though my hair was still blowing and i could still feel the wind and the entity pulling every fragment of my left torso and head upwards.

the setting changed into my father's shop, my workplace. although i do not remember how it transitioned. it was the view from the door. across the street, gated, a huge construction site. no buildings being constructed, quite open actually, but with huuuge mounds of dirt, towering piles of metal tubes and a lot of open ground. objects around quickly transformed. everything around me changed. i was now in a field of grass with flowers and trees. it stretched as far as i could i see. i was still moving upward. above was still the happiness i awaited. the light above took the form of the sun. beaming down on me. the whole setting, or my vision, began to shaaake, rumble. it seemed as if the window i was watching through was a train's. the setting stopped moving in sync with me. i watched the field as i pulled away through this window. and i saw blackness. again... but soon, light peaked through the left side of the window. my upwards motion, the pull curved left, i felt control come back to my body, even if just a bit. as the pull curved upwards, my body felt like it was the turning end of a rotating belt. my body had all fallen back into place like a slinky. as that happened, it seemed as if my train had arrived at it's stop. through the window, i saw tri and steve smiling, laughing. i was back in steve's room, sitting on steve's bed. my trip had ended.

my vision was very distorted. although it was his room, objects and walls seemed disproportional and off figure. my perception of the room was terrible. i felt as if the bed and everything behind me was still the setting of the beautiful field. i felt as if it was my world. i also felt attached to it, as i felt attached to the body of mass in my trip. steve and tri knew nothing of the world behind me, but when i looked back, i simply saw his room. and when i turned back to look at them, i still felt the world behind me. i was confused. i had no idea wtf just happened to me. i was looking at my body. checking myself. i looked up at tri and steve and had no idea what was going on. i felt like a baby, and didn't know what to do. i was desperately trying to remember why that just happened to me. as well as feeling like a baby, i talked like one. daa daaa daa, stuttering with a baby voice. it took a minute or two for me to calm down and realize where i was and that i had taken salvia. i struggled to remember the events that just happened to me, and i desperately wanted to share the details with my sitters, but simply couldn't. i was truly scared during the trip, and the minutes after, along with perplexed. but as i laid on steve's bed, i slowly recuperated. the fright and tension dissappeared. i was amazed. it was truuuuuuly profound. nothing you could ever experience irl.

that took forever. you probably think i'm craaaaazy.
idkhowtosplitparagraphs

in a perfect world...

it wouldn't be a problem...

everyone has a closet, has things they keep to themselves. we all swear that the world is not ready for our thoughts... yet we all long for someone, more than anything, to connect with. which i find ironic because we can all make out who you are as an individual. our own preconceived notion of your specific situation in our intertwining lives. although not entirely on-point, as good friends, we can usually label one's problems. why is it that we can't confide in eachother? why is it that we have to hide our true nature, our true emotions when we need help the most? you're not special, don't be selfish. everyone has a struggle. some not as big as others.... sure, but we're all human. and being human, we can all see what the world does to people, for better or worse. we've heard all the stories before, so what makes you think yours would surprise us(in a good way)? we can take anything you wanna give us.

there are many variables of course, so maybe i'm only speaking for myself. I say this because we all know some people will just not understand. never will, but i feel it's quite easy to pinpoint the friends who can help you. someone who exercises an open-mind and has insight may be most appropriate unless you're just looking for an ear. but the only thing holding you back from entrusting another is the fear of being judged and failure to connect. which is miniscule compared to how much it'll help. just being able to get something of that nature out of yourself physically, to be able to share such a tribulation, is a load off the chest. not to mention, the bond you're building with another and how humbling it is to that person. for them to know that you would choose them to QQ.

Another reason i say i'm speaking for myself is because i know some people don't want to hear your shit or w.e. but in any case, imo, if i saw a friend in need i would want to reach out no matter the problem. but then again, they aren't always up to sharing...
there is no space to judge if you choose someone open-minded to speak with. and even-so, if this person does judge you, how is that any different from their preconceived thought of you? if anything, you're setting the record straight.

there's more i wanted to get into, but i'll save it for my next post.
and forgive me for my shit vocabulary )))))):

beast

boy